What distinguishes truly happy couples? Perhaps partners in them are smarter than the rest? Richer? Spend more time together? They have more common interests? Not at all necessary. Just like everyone else, they sometimes quarrel, but a high level of emotional intelligence (EQ) helps them to stay together. How is it shown?
According to the expert in the field of relations between John Gottman, EQ – “surprisingly simple secret” of happiness in a pair, which can quite accurately determine whether people will be fine together. Emotional intelligence understands our ability to track our own emotions, express them in a healthy way and manage them.
In relations, EQs affects a lot: communication, level of trust, proximity and ability to resolve conflicts – and if it is low for partners, then any disagreement will inevitably result in quarrels, the gap between people will only increase, and anxiety will increase.
All because people with a low EQ is difficult to realize and express their own feelings, so they either close themselves in themselves, or suddenly explode, or both alternately. If both partners are like that, their relationship resembles tango in the minefield.
But why one of us is lucky with a high level of emotional intelligence, while the others are not? This indicator is due to our innate temperament, the style of attachment to parents in the early stages of life and the environment that we had in childhood.
The good news is that emotional skills can and should be “pumped” – alone or together with a loved one. So what distinguishes partners with high EQ?
1. They respect each other’s needs, acceptance and love
They, like everyone else, have a lot of cases, burning terms and distracting factors, and yet they notice when the partner needs to contact them, and respond to this need. Such people say “yes” more often than “no”.
This does not mean that they will sacrifice themselves and their interests, but they will definitely try to stay with a partner, comfort, encourage him and make at least a little happier. They take steps towards each other, and not in opposite directions.
2. They see each other mostly good
Когда люди долго живут вместе, зачастую они начинают замечать даже самые мелкие недостатки друг друга, а следом и корить за них. Partners with a high EQ see each other in the best features and qualities, without hiding on misses and flaws.
3. They do not “get stuck” in their own feelings
Emotional intelligence consists in the ability to adequately respond to a stressful situation and express their feelings carefully, so as not to injure a partner.
Partners with a high EQ do not allow their own emotions to cloud the mind and distort the true picture of what is happening. But if you always follow the senses of feelings, an inadequate reaction is inevitable, and this will be little to harm the relationship.
4. They know how to look at the situation through the eyes of a partner
It seems to most of us that we are also capable of this, but in fact, in the midst of quarrels, many only think about protecting ourselves and our point of view. Emotionally “pumped” partners feel unmistakably when another has a hard time, and show empathy for him.
They actively listen, digest information, and their further behavior confirms that they really understood the other.
5. They even quarrel kindly
Partners with a low EQ are sure that in a quarrel, like in the war, all means are good: they strive to bite each other more closely, recall a long -forgotten and rarely apologize or do it formally, insincerely.
Partners
with high emotional intelligence will also quarrel, but they never fall to sarcasm, humiliation or depreciation. They do not pour out each other with an icy shower of silence, do not use sex as a weapon and do not switch to personalities. Even cursing, they remember that they love each other and want to be together.
6. In addition to love between them there is a deep friendship
They are good friends: everyone is interested in how the other day has passed, they are ready to listen to the experiences, doubts and the innermost secrets of each other, and can also laugh together from the heart. This does not mean that they always do everything together, moreover – a partner can sometimes annoy them, but they know for sure that they would not want to see anyone else nearby.